So I’m sitting here at work with nothing to do since I’ve finished everything for the day so I though, ‘Let’s blog?’… Lol 

Actually, I don’t even know what to blog about. I don’t think I understand myself enough to blog about anything sometimes. “Why are you so ambiguous Christina??” 

Does anybody ever get that? 

How do I explain this. There are a lot of times where my mind feels like it resides in an empty ‘carcass’ which feels nothing and thinks nothing. I don’t know myself most of the time. I can never seem to describe whatever I am feeling. It’s always like a mix of things just flowing through and getting muddled together to the point of obscurity. And in the end, it seems like there’s so much ambiguity that it just becomes nothing.

Is this confusing? See, I can’t even convey my ‘nothingness’ hahaha

It’s the feeling of being lost in oneself? One that is residing in a foreign body. So many people around me seem to know how they feel, how they would react, their own raw emotions and opinions on things, while I’m always lost about everything. I haven’t experienced any sort of escalated or passionate emotion in a while. I guess on the outer layers, I seem to be quite exaggerated and animated. But I feel like that’s only ever on the outer layers, it never seems to seep in much deeper. 

Muddy. Actually, yeah muddy. That’s probably the way I would describe my ‘insides’. I don’t even know which particular ‘inside’ I mean. My heart? My mind? My soul? I don’t know. Just my ‘insides’ I suppose. Do I lack emotion? I suppose? I mean I find it really hard to sympathize let alone empathize with most of the people around me and their issues/ problems. I mean, its already (personally) really hard for me to be understanding… Hmm… More like it’s hard for me to try and be understanding… (I sound like a selfish bastard right now LOL) 

Nah, actually I’m like that with myself too hahaha. I don’t ever really think about whatever problems or complications I have in my life. I hardly pay them much thought. And most of the time I seem to forget about them until they pop up again or until something triggers me to remember them. Bwahaha, living like a zombie just letting each day pass by me. 

Most of the time I’m blank on the ‘inside’. Just blank. And I think I’m listening, well, see I ‘think’ I’m listening, but then again I doubt myself since half the stuff that comes out of my mouth makes no sense, and I don’t even know what I’m saying, since my mind reverts back to being blank every few seconds LOL And plus I never seem to remember anything

Maybe I’m just retarded HAAHAH 

Yep, you know I did haha I read it bro!

Only because I suspected you might have posted something up there for some reason or another yeah uh-huh~ woman’s intuition, the third eye, the power of telepathy BWAHAH or just a stalker….

And I feel for you bra

I do think back to those days of Breakfasting at the Point every once in a while, and I wish we could be spontaneous once again and live out those crazy days, how I wish I could just magically mend it all and POOF we’re all together again! (though unfortunately old age is hitting my body hard, staying up seems to be getting harder and harder, even my brain is finding it hard to keep up with my antics)

So don’t worry

You’re not the only one, hahah I’m just less expressive about it that’s all :)

P.S I enjoyed the date very much as well, and it was extremely lovely, shall do it again sometime soon!!! WEEEEEEEHHHEEEEE :D